When your spouse asks for a divorce and you are uncertain of what to do, there are different things you can try depending on the outcome that you’re seeking. Whether the divorce seems out of the blue or you sensed it might be coming, it can be scary to hear your spouse say it out loud. You might be prepared to do everything to save your marriage, but your spouse might be saying they’re done.
And if you truly want to avoid divorce and you must demonstrate that you are capable of really changing whatever problems are in the relationship. You should think deeply about what has gotten you both to this place of wanting a divorce on one end and not on the other. What behaviors can you change on your end in hopes of avoiding divorce? To figure out this, you should think about what your spouse has complained about over the course of your marriage.
It might seem unfair to you that you have to do all of the changing but when your spouses hit their limit and you are the one that wants to make it work then you are going to be the one that needs to make the first real move towards real change. And remember, it’s not over until it’s over. Even spouses that say they want to divorce might not be truly set on having a divorce.
Of course, like always, if your spouse is asking for a divorce, you should most likely reach out to a family lawyer, such as the ones available at Law Group of Iowa, for advice and help in preparing yourself for divorce. This is especially true if your spouse 30 acquired a divorce lawyer and served your papers.
Your family lawyer, is going to be able to advise you on the best ways to try to stop your divorce, save your marriage, or just end the marriage amicably. They are going to be telling you what not to do if your spouse wants a divorce, such as acting out in anger, acting nasty or vengeful, or even acting desperate. Not only can these types of actions sabotage any chance you have in the marriage amicably, but it would definitely sabotage any chance you have of saving your marriage.
Acting out in behaviors like using drugs, alcohol, getting caught up in the bar scene and flirting will not help you work things out with your spouse in the long run, nor will it help you look good if you’re fighting a child custody case later on. Begging, buying gifts for your spouse, gossiping about your spouse, idealizing all good things about the marriage or yourself, and of course manipulation, will not help matters either. Manipulation is saying things such as I love you or asking your spouse to read books about love and marriage, and of course there are other ways of manipulation and it is all going to look bad on you.